This is a two part entry as recent events have prompted me so.

The first part is mainly concerning our aspiration and inspiration as human beings. Firstly, are we as the people, truly capable of achieving our purpose (whether or not it is truly amiable to others in the first place) or calling in life? Current social and economical circumstances inspired by ever so prevailing capitalistic agendas, has made me to believe that is somewhat difficult if not truly impossible.

As someone who has grown to almost an age of certain competency with so agreeable experience and knowledge, it has been disappointing in the sense, that I have been so unable to do what I really want to do, with the resources/abilities/opportunities that I have been granted. Don’t get me wrong, in the sense, that I’m suicidal or anything like that, but is it that circumstantially, that my predicament is all influenced by the way the world thinks or works or REQUIRES me to be. I am who I am due to the prevailing forces of the world. That in fact, no true functions without the influential of others and its surroundings. Have I truly lost my way or is it somewhat a crossroad of insecurity? The plethora of reasons and factors astounds me.

A cordial remark by a long lost acquaintance of mine, said that life is about enjoying every single moment. That may be true to put it in its most simplistic and perfect utopia. Unfortunately, such carefree attitude may be too nonchalant or cavalier.

The second part of the rant, is inadvertently brings me to our interaction/relationship with fellow human beings. Some believe in karma for what is good will bring forth more goodness and vice versa, in the most austere definition I can muster up. Frankly speaking, it is a load of crap. Are we constrained and bounded by this enigma (hardly!!), that we reason with ourselves to inspire goodness in ourselves and others, that we hope the same will befall upon us? That’s rubbish. Have whatever that I have done so far brought me an ounce of happiness? Maybe to you, that’s too soon to tell. Hmph… The starving children or less unfortunate (in whatever shape or form), what have they done to deserve it?

Personally, I have done some stupid things in the past, admittedly. But it doesn’t by any standards bind me to be less significant in terms of my doings and current outlook and demeanor.

Anyways, ultimately in the two parts that I have mentioned, all I want to say is we are who are because of our past. We act and learn from our past experience, but not to ponder and hold ourselves and others to it. As we grow older, our problems grow as well, but we are more EQUIPED to handle them. It is easy to lose sight of what we have experienced and learnt. It is only with the calm back-seat revelation and clarity that we see what we are doing and its consequence.

It is painful to watch our friends fall into despair and yet putting ourselves in their shoes just seems so easy. All the world’s best intentions fall apart in hypocrisy and stupidity. Self-esteem and confidence in oneself is another issue. We ALWAYS try to compare ourselves with others and this breeds contempt within ourselves.

Life’s a bitch, we just all need to take things one step at a time.

What if, with all that I have said from the very beginning, is all just rubbish? Perhaps, all I need to be less of a cynic and try to be more optimistic and positive.